I haven't posted anything in a good while! I will try to be better at blogging from now on :)
Okay… Well I am not really sure how to start this post. But I know I need to get this off my chest. It will help me be motivated to do the things I need to do. I am hoping those of you who read this can help me stay motivated as well! This is what I have been going through the past year :)
I guess I will start with where it all began... In the middle of the summer I started noticing a weight change. I was gaining weight rather quickly in places I never had weight before. I was very startled by this because I didn't change any eating habits. I thought it was maybe because I had a full time desk job that was very stressful. Towards the middle of June I started having very irregular menstrual cycles. I thought maybe I was pregnant.I took 4 pregnancy tests, all saying negative. So I thought I was just going through a rough patch having just got off birth control 2 months prior. July passed and I finally had my cycle the end of the month. I thought it would be back on track after that. August came and went, and so did September and October.
So in November I decided to go to the Dr. She had no idea what was wrong with me so she ordered blood tests. 12 viles of blood later we found out I had high testosterone levels and high insulin levels. She recommended I go see a Thyroid doctor. I was so confused! Testosterone?! I need to see a THYROID dr?? Isn't that for old people? haha... Well... A few weeks later the Thyroid Dr told me that I was suffering from PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I was baffled! I had NO clue what that was.He began to tell me that I was infertile, and I won’t be able to have children until I got this taken care of. My heart completely dropped to the floor, I swear it shatter into a million pieces! Anyone who knows me knows that I am in love with Children and I want to have my own SO badly. I went in there thinking I had one issue that needed to be fixed, instead, I walked out being told I will not be able to have kids. However he told me that there is a chance I can have my own children eventually. Once I get my weight back down and my insulin levels. Also once I start regulating my period again. He gave me a list of things I need to work on in order to be ready to have my own children. My heart was so heavy walking out of that office. I sat in my car and just cried.
Not knowing much about PCOS, I went home and researched more... Because I have very few periods, The irregularity of menses disrupts ovulation, which means conception will be difficult at best. I also have a 45% chance of a miscarriage. This means I have a seven to ten times higher risk for Type 2 Diabetes because of my insulin levels. PCOS also causes an overproduction of testosterone.The increase of testosterone prevents the ovaries from releasing an egg and the net result is infertility. But there are many success stories with people who were diagnosed with the same issue! I have also read after you finally get pregnant and have your first born… your second comes much easier! So there is a positive J
Sounds like fun, right? Well, the Dr put me on metformin and vitamin D. He also prescribed that I quit my sit down job and be more active and stress free! It was the best job and I loved the people I worked with… but since I have quit I have lost 8 pounds and I feel so much more relaxed! I have also been able to get my monthly cycle back on track… well at least for the month of January! I never thought I would be so happy to have that back again. I came down the stairs and Curtis and I just cried and prayed with grateful and heavy hearts. Its still a long road for me.... But things are headed in the right direction!! The Doctor told me if I can get my cycle back on track and my health in better shape I will be able to have a higher chance of conception!!
I recently had a dream that gave me an overwhelming and peaceful feeling that one day I will be able to have my own children. It may be next month, it may be a year from now or it may be in 2 years! Regardless of when it is, I know my Heavenly Father will send spiritual blessings down to be with our eternal family. I can’t think of a more amazing experience than being pregnant and giving birth. People will say to me “Yeah wait for the morning sickness and see how you feel after that." My response: I am sure I will have all those experiences… but I want them so bad. I want the morning sickness, the swollen feet and all of the other crazy things pregnancy does to your body. I have always wanted that since I was little and watched my Mother go through it. This whole experience has made me realize how amazing it is to be a woman! Instead of worrying and stressing out about your period… you should rejoice that you have it! Because there are women out there who wish more than anything that they can be in your shoes. I am proud to be a woman. And one day when I have my sweet little prince or princess in my arms I can say I am proud to be a mom. The day I find out I am pregnant will be the best day of my life.
I am so grateful to have a husband that has helped me see the light through this dark time of mine. I seriously am so glad I am going through this with him. He loves me all the same even though I am broken right now. I am so grateful for my Mother who has been a strength for me as well. When I am low and I call her and she always flips it around. When I told her about the miscarriage statistic she told me to “Get healthy and kick that statistic in the butt. Show it who is boss!” I am so incredibly blessed with the support system I have. All my family and all of Curtis’ family. But I am mostly grateful for my Father in heaven. I know he is giving me this trail because he knows I am strong enough to handle it! In the words of my Mother… I will kick this syndrome in the butt and show it who is boss!!!
I am sorry this was so long. Those that read the whole thing… I thank you for that. Writing this all down has actually helped me so much! Please feel free to randomly text me or write on my FB wall and tell me to stay on track! Any motivation from friends and loved ones will help me so much. I love you all.Thank you.
Also... If you know of anyone that fought PCOS that has/ had a success story.. I would LOVE to hear it!
Love,
Brandi Jae Neslen
